sentience

It's a little bit stressful...

2011-07-15T11:36:00.001-07:00

For the past few months my schedule has been pretty simple. I finished my on-campus classes in April. I had an online Humanities 202 course that took me a year to finish, which I finally did in June. Now I am in the process of getting ready for the GRE. Ick! I started a class at the beginning of June, thinking that the middle of July was forever away and that I would have all the time in the world to get as close as possible to a perfect (for me) score. Well, turns out it was actually only a month and a half from the beginning of my class until my test and now my test is tomorrow and I couldn't be more nervous. I started out with a certain score on my practice test at the beginning of June and come the end of it all (after vocabulary flash cards and math quizzes and all of that) I scored 40 points LESS on the verbal section and 120 points better. Huh? How is it possible that after a what felt like 12 years of studying vocabulary did I possibly do worse that in the beginning. Talk about no satisfaction guaranteed! Needless to say, rather than butterflies in my stomach, I am experiencing what feels more like squirrels or maybe even a couple of wombats or koalas.

Other than that stress life has been actually quite wonderful. John and I bought Seven Peaks Passes and we go to the water park at least once a week. My freckles have quadrupled and I don't burn as easily as I used to. That is a good summer for a redhead! My parents also came to visit which was oodles of fun! We ate great food, which was a big change from the rice and mac and cheese that John is used to me cooking. We also went to Harry Potter 7.2 with a big group of friends, my parents, and my brother and two of his brother-in-laws. It was a party! When we get pictures back I will share the love. John and I dressed up as house elves. John was Kreacher, the grouchy one that lives at Grimauld Place (Sirius' old digs) and I was Winky (Barty Crouch's old house elf that he let go for setting of the dark mark at the quidditch World Cup. We may be nerds, but we at least we celebrate our nerdyness (word?) in style! It was a ton of fun!

John is working his little tooshie off near SLC. That means that he is gone for a very large part of the day. I have to admit that I miss that boy quite a bit, but I am sure that life is easier for me, sitting at home, watching friends and eating freezies all day, rather than for John, where he sits on his exercise ball for about 10 hours every day helping people figure out their finances.

For now, we are where we are. We love our little hobbit hole (as I like to call our basement apartment) and we are having a lot of fun with our friends and the sunshine. The future is still kind of a big question mark (bold font, helvetica 65 pt font). That makes it all more exciting though. Will we move? Who knows! Will I go to grad school to be a PA? Who knows!

2011-04-01T13:22:00.001-07:00

Happy April Fool's Day. Did I mention that I am pregnant, dying, lost a leg, lost an eyeball, won the lottery, and bought 14 cats? Cause I totally did. All those things have nothing to do with the fact that it is April 1.

In about 21 days I am going to be finished attending BYU. I can't believe it. I have to admit, I am getting a little sad about it. The prospect of being finished with papers and finals and assignments is very very exciting for me. I have to be honest though, I am going to miss all of it. I would love if I got paid to go to school and all I had to do was go to classes and learn as much as I could. I would LOVE that. The break from all of the studying stress is going to be much appreciated, but come next Fall I am sure I am going to notice a void in my life.

I am so happy that I have been able to study here at BYU. I have made some amazing friends. I found the love of my life. And during all of that I learned a lot. I took an oral proficiency exam to finish off my French major and guess what.... I did great! I am in a conversation class with one of my favorite French teachers of all time, Madame Thompson, and she said that by the time I finish I could be at Advanced High. There is only one step higher. It may sound like I am bragging and I apologize, but I just never thought I would get to this point and I couldn't be happier!

Now all that is left to do is figure out what to do with the rest of my life career wise. Chiropractic? Naturopathic Medicine? Teaching? Who knows! For now I am just enjoying the fact that I am almost a BYU graduate and my whole future is ahead of me. Plus... I have my best friend to share it with.

Kate O'Farrell

2010-09-04T06:02:00.000-07:00

I have a new name and a wonderful husband.

Marriage

2010-06-29T12:17:00.000-07:00

Turns out I fell in love with the man of my dreams and he wants me to be his wifey! I am so happy. We are officially engaged and I thought I should tell the story to the world.

I came down to Utah 2 days earlier than John thought and surprised him! He was so shocked, even though the whole time I thought he was in on my secret. The next morning we went to watch the sunrise at about 5h00. At this point I still thought he would be proposing on my birthday, which was 2 days later, so I thought this was just a cute gesture. He "made" me a delicious breakfast (with a little help from Macey's). It was so cute. We were just goofing off and having a fun time in a grove of trees up Provo Canyon and he said that he had a blanket in the truck. He went down to the truck, which was just out of sight, and about 5 minutes later came up in a suit with a dozen roses. I had no idea that he had the suit on under his sweater and sweats. He had to keep his runners on though, cause it's not like he could have warn dress shoes with his sweats. So he came walking up toward me. So attractive. He said some of the cutest stuff to me and got down on one knee and popped the question. The ring is amazing and I couldn't be happier. I can honestly say that it was perfect. After I said yes (obviously) John brought out some fireworks and we lit them off while we celebrated, screaming and such. It was so fun!

Well now I am home in Canada and trying to plan this wedding. I think I have the cake. I am working on the invites. Now all I have to do is design a dress, pick my flowers, design my reception, find outfits for groomsmen/bridesmaids, pick the food, find a tent for a garden party themed reception, send out the invites, figure out my hair....etc. It is going to be a lot of fun though. Maybe it is a good thing that it is so fast, less stress time. ha.

Well, that is the big update for now. Happy day!

Weekday Vegetarian

2010-05-25T08:46:00.001-07:00

I was looking through my friend's blog and I stumbled upon a clip from a man explaining the weekday vegetarian plan. Check it out: http://theweekdayvegetarian.blogspot.com. I think I am going to try it. It just makes sense. Not only is it healthier for my body and waistline, it is also an effort to help out the environment. Can't get better than that can it?

2010-05-20T18:16:00.000-07:00

I bought a canvas today. I am still lacking paints, but a visit to my grandparents will remedy that. They used to make ceramics and sell them so they have thousands of paints. I love this painting that I found for some reason. Maybe I will try an abstract this time around...

Summer

2010-05-12T16:04:00.000-07:00

Summer is getting here and I want this bathing suit!

2010-05-02T21:36:00.000-07:00

Summer is on her way, even if she is taking her sweet time.
I am living in Canada again and forgot how much I loved it.
One more month ;)
My job starts tomorrow.
My healthier living continues tomorrow.
I have a bedside lamp.
I am in the mood to paint.
I read now...for pleasure.

2010-04-14T19:43:00.000-07:00

Crazy 3000+ word term project due. I haven't even started formatting. Anatomy final Saturday. Physics final Monday. French final Wednesday. I'm not complaining...psych!

2010-04-08T11:35:00.001-07:00

Turns out life is amazing. I figure it is time for a little recap on the last little while in the life o' Kate. Here is what's new:

I am almost finished my fourth year at BYU. Only one more year to go and I will be a BYU graduate with a degree in Exercise Science as well as French. I can't believe it. Time flies.

Summer is here and I am waiting to hear back from a dream summer job. I get to move back to Canada, live with the parentals, and love summer time all over again. I seriously can't wait. I am taking some courses through the summer, but it will be nothing compared to what this last semester has been--crazy.

I should introduce you to the new man in my life. His name is John. He grew up in Pittsburg and he is the best! This photo is of John and I at the Holi Festival of Colours. To welcome the spring season you dance and hug and throw chalk at each other. It really is one of my favorite things about this time of year. So happy!

Needless to say, life is pretty amazing these days. À la prochaine!

Dr. Toone

2010-03-23T09:39:00.001-07:00

I decided to become a doctor. I don't know if this has been mentioned yet. Talk about scary. Today was one of those days that I suddenly realized that I was a senior in university with one more year to go until a degree. Then on to MED SCHOOL! Holy cow! Can I do this? I can do this! I am so excited. It is weird to think that only a few years ago I was still in high school, just waiting for life to happen. Well here it is and I still feel like I am in high school. ha. Time flies and I am loving every minute.

2010-03-06T20:43:00.000-08:00

I have been inspired. A friend of mine (jazzylow.blogspot.com) recently began an adventure to fulfill a dream of her own and I can't help but be motivated to start dreaming a little myself. My dreams have been growing for a while now when it comes to really getting elbow deep in humanitarian work. I have applied for at least 5 different organizations' excursions for the Summer. I have no idea if any of them will work out, but my friend Jade and I have started to make that first big step to really making a difference.
Jas, my inspiring friend, explained that she had a list of things she really wanted to do. Not just a bucket list, but no-limit-dream-big-really-want-things. Not only do I love the idea of dreaming big, but I also adore list-making. I am tired of lists of what is due and what "would be nice". So here is it. Number one. The beginning of a real list of things that I WILL do. Not just things that I could do.

I will start my own humanitarian organization. It may be small. It may suffer and never really take off. It will, however, be life changing and worth every minute.

I get butterflies just thinking about it all. Try it for yourself. Dream big. No questions asked. No "maybe laters" or "I wish I really could". You can and you will if you just get started.

Je suis canadienne!

2010-03-01T13:49:00.000-08:00

This is one of those patriotic shout outs that we Canadians are known for. The reason? Canada-US hockey game. Score? 3-2 for Canada in overtime! What a game! I really don't know if I have been that excited for a hockey goal in my life. It was the perfect finish to the Olympics in Canada, Vancouver 2010. We not only took the cake for hockey, we also won the most gold medals in Olympic history. Hate to brag, but I just love my country! I am yet again proud to be a Canadian.

Check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWDXE9Pbjic

2010-02-02T21:25:00.000-08:00

No animal products of any sort or sweets for 2 days now and feeling great. I can't believe how much my body is thanking me for choosing not to put too much of "not-so-good" inside of me. I have found a new love for vegetables and I am finding all sorts of ways to cook them. Chicken broth is a miracle worker with cabbage, beans, and vermicelli noodles. At first it feels a little bit like you are eating jellyfish legs (as Emily called them), but they actually rocked my socks off. Add a little basil and TONS of black pepper, as I do on everything, and it's a hit.
If you know any rocking vegetarian recipes, shoot them my way! P.s. no cheese either!!

New Goal

2010-01-30T13:20:00.001-08:00

Okay! Here it is! Healthy Kate month starts Monday. This means that tomorrow is the last day for me to eat candies and chocolates and other happinesses (word?). Let me say, first, that I am not the type of person that believes that it is possible to have a diet last forever that is void of treats. Treats are a good thing....in moderation. Come March treats will again be part of my diet. However, for a month, I would like to see what it would be like to go without. I am also only going to eat fish and eggs as meats. I am NO vegetarian. I have always loved meat and will always love meat. This is just one of those things to try and step outside my--ever increasing in size--box. I want to see what else is out there and train my body that a 32 oz steak is not needed in my diet. :)
I am also going to begin a real effort to get ready for a triathlon in the summer and hiking the West Coast Trail. I plan to keep the void that I am writing to posted. If you have any tips, let me know! My future career is going to be trying to convince people the importance of health in their lives. I better start now to be a good example.
I have been learning all sorts of fun facts about health. First one: In China they use acupuncture as well as a little modern medicine to numb patients pain while doing brain surgery. One hospital that I learned about used half the western medicine that we would normally use and acupuncture and....NO PAIN! Can you believe it? My mind and theologies about medicine are becoming more and more center ground. Why not use both! It's all very exciting...

2010-01-29T17:36:00.001-08:00

I had a conversation with a stranger named Drake the other day about traveling the world and all the things we can learn from other places. My feet are officially itching for an adventure and I need to start some planning so it happens. I have decided that I would really like to hike the West Coast Trail in British Columbia, Canada. What a beautiful place! You get seafood. Hiking. Rain. Camping. Friends. Wildlife. Adventure. It is a dream and a goal for me. I really hope it happens this summer. I have also decided that I need to go to Eastern Canada. I speak French. I am Canadian. However, I have never even seen (minus the Montreal airport) the French speaking part of my country. It's about time. Maybe I will start selling unneeded organs and such to get there. Anyone need a kidney?

New Book

2010-01-16T11:16:00.000-08:00

I want to read something that takes me breath away. Suggestions?

2010-01-14T11:23:00.000-08:00

Hymne à la Beauté

Viens-tu du ciel profond ou sors-tu de l'abîme,
O Beauté? ton regard, infernal et divin,
Verse confusément le bienfait et le crime,
Et l'on peut pour cela te comparer au vin.

Tu contiens dans ton oeil le couchant et l'aurore;
Tu répands des parfums comme un soir orageux;
Tes baisers sont un philtre et ta bouche une amphore
Qui font le héros lâche et l'enfant courageux.

Sors-tu du gouffre noir ou descends-tu des astres?
Le Destin charmé suit tes jupons comme un chien;
Tu sèmes au hasard la joie et les désastres,
Et tu gouvernes tout et ne réponds de rien.

Tu marches sur des morts, Beauté, dont tu te moques;
De tes bijoux l'Horreur n'est pas le moins charmant,
Et le Meurtre, parmi tes plus chères breloques,
Sur ton ventre orgueilleux danse amoureusement.

L'éphémère ébloui vole vers toi, chandelle,
Crépite, flambe et dit: Bénissons ce flambeau!
L'amoureux pantelant incliné sur sa belle
A l'air d'un moribond caressant son tombeau.

Que tu viennes du ciel ou de l'enfer, qu'importe,
Ô Beauté! monstre énorme, effrayant, ingénu!
Si ton oeil, ton souris, ton pied, m'ouvrent la porte
D'un Infini que j'aime et n'ai jamais connu?

De Satan ou de Dieu, qu'importe? Ange ou Sirène,
Qu'importe, si tu rends, — fée aux yeux de velours,
Rythme, parfum, lueur, ô mon unique reine! —
L'univers moins hideux et les instants moins lourds?

— Charles Baudelaire

This is my new favorite poem. There are translated versions online as well. It is just so much more beautiful in French because of the style and amazing talent Baudelaire had as a writer. He speaks of Beauty in a way that shows both the terrible and the magnificent. He contrasts that of " le gouffre" with that that comes from " les astres". One of my favorite images is line 17 where he describes a moth that is dazzled by the light of a candle flies into it, crackles, burns, and cries, "Blessed flame!" He loves that flame. It is such a beautiful image.

Something New

2010-01-04T16:31:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR! It is officially 2010. I am very excited for the prospect of new beginnings and new adventures. For most of the month of February 2009 I thought it was 2010. Needless to say, I have been excited for 2010 for a long time. 2009 was a good year though. Some memories that top the charts for me are:
->Lived in France and made some really amazing friends and visited places that I can still see every night in my dreams.
->Had some great relationships and learned a lot from them.
-> Learned the real rules for Pictionary.
-> Saw 5 sea turtles in Hawaii...3 of which I swam with while surfing or snorkeling.
-> Discovered my new favorite treat: Açai bowls (açai smoothie, bananas, granola and all of drizzled in the perfect amount of honey).
-> Fell in love with the French language all over again.
-> Read a lot of amazing books.
->Learned more about who I am and what I want to give back to this world that I get to live in.
These are all that I can think of for the moment. Looking back though, a lot has changed since last January 4th and it is exciting to anticipate what is going to happen for 2010. I can't wait! School might be hard, but I am learning things that I am very excited about.

I have decided to make some New Year resolutions. My mind has been searching for what I want to accomplish and this is what I have so far:
-> Be able to do the splits by next year.
-> Learn how to play the Christmas hymns on the piano.
-> Travel somewhere amazing and immerse myself in their culture, at least for a week or so.
-> Start getting some foundations started on my humanitarian project.
-> Run a 1/2 marathon...just a 1/2 for now...next year I might be bolder ;)

That's all I have so far. I figure if I write it down for the public to have access to it might happen. So ask me how I am doing with it from time to time. If you have something you want to send into the world to somehow feel more responsible for getting it done...let me know! It might inspire me.

The End

2009-12-16T17:07:00.000-08:00

The end of Fall 2009 has finally arrived. My finals are done. My papers are written. Now all that is left to do is watch Christmas movies, buy presents for those I love, and pack my bags for paradise! I couldn't be happier!!

Writing

2009-12-12T18:30:00.001-08:00

I have been writing a paper for almost two whole days. Most of the time was me finding out how easy it was to be distracted from thinking about medieval tournaments and their cultural significance. I easily switched to something much more intriguing like what to make for dinner, the lyrics to my new favorite song, how fantastic my "parabolic heat dish" is and how warm I am feeling because Laura (roomie) let me have it in my room, who's on facebook, how many freckles do I have on my right leg, how to rearrange my room (which I did and it looks great!), etc.
This paper needs to be at least 6 pages and I have used every trick to try and make the pages suddenly grow faster. Keep it all in size 10. I started in size 11, but changing it back to 12 was not drastic enough for the effect I was looking for. Change it to a teeny font. Just so you know, times new roman is one of the smallest (The teachers got us on that one for sure!). I even extended my borders to much less than the one inch required. Even after all my tricks and a 1.5 single spaced paper, I only have four actual (size 12, one inch border, double spaced, times new roman) pages. GUH! Who knew that there was this little to say about medieval tournaments. Oh wait, everyone but me, the git that decided to pick it as my topic for my final paper in French 457: The Culture of the Hundred Years War. Fun fact: It lasted 113 years.
Back to writing!

Secrets

2009-12-08T21:39:00.000-08:00

I have decided that I am a big fan of confessions. I thought I was the type of girl that never told my secrets…I do. All the time. I love when I can have those moments when I just gush out all that stuff that I have been holding in for so long. Secret loves. Secret weaknesses. Secret food addictions. Secret passions. Secret pet peeves. I also love hearing other people’s secrets. It’s not the secret that makes me happy or fulfills me, it is those moments when you bond and hug pillows and cry and laugh and blush and hug. It is the coming home and feeling suddenly uplifted by the fact that even though no problems have been solved and the secrets have only been freed for a moment, you feel lighter.
I write out my feelings, but speaking them helps too. So for those in the world that need to share, yell at a pillow, call your mom, write it in a journal, get a blog! There is something about telling that opens problems up for solutions and joys for celebrations. It is the season of giving, why not give a little of ourselves as well.

Christmas

2009-12-06T09:25:00.000-08:00

IT SNOWED! I watched Elf for the first time this season. I drank some of the best hot cocoa I have ever had. I saw the lights and nativities on temple square. It is officially beginning to feel a lot like Christmas!

Life

2009-11-22T19:19:00.000-08:00

I am a reader. Remember in high school when it wasn't "cool" to want to read, even on school nights. When the only book anyone had ever read the whole way through was the one they were forced to finish in your grade 12 English class. I wasn't "cool". I was the girl that stayed up until 4 a.m. because I wanted to finish my book to see what happened.

I recently finished a book that I recommend to everyone. It is called Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom. It is one of those books that helps you learn about life by reading about a man's death. There is a lot that we can learn about those people that found a way to love life enough to not be afraid of dying. I learned three things in this book that really hit me. First, tolerance for religions other than your own can bring you closer to God in a way that can not be achieved otherwise. Second, we can use our joy to help bring people closer to something bigger than ourselves. Third, one is not defined by the past that brought him to where he is today, or she. It is not where we were, but were we are heading. We have no right to stop a man from changing his life for the better.

Our faith is not only our belief in something supernatural or a life after death or the words of those that are influenced by the spirit. Our faith in God is only part of it. We have to have faith in ourselves and our ability to really accomplish something worthwhile in this world. We have to have faith in others and their ability to change.

While reading about the last words of a dying man and the words that others will continue to say about him for generations, I realized, or better remembered, that my success in life is not only determined by whether I achieve my goals and dreams, but what I was able to do to help others reach theirs.

It's one of those quick reads that make you think about life and what you should be doing. We all have more to do. We all have more joy to find and give to others.

Great book...

2009-11-20T11:33:00.000-08:00

It is almost American Thanksgiving. I have decided to get some of my thanks out early so that maybe it will help other start thinking about what they are thankful for. It's funny that I am doing this for American Thanksgiving and not Canadian, but here it is. I am thankful for:
...the fact I am Canadian.
...my education
...my family that loves me.
...the beautiful world that we have to live in.
...natural phenomena--northern lights, lightning, rain, etc.
...trees!
...love and all the ways that I experience it in my life: whether given or taken and all of it in between.
...the people that keep the toilet paper dispensers full.
...Music. It is so diverse and can alter my mood in seconds. It gets me from class to class and in my car. It really is such a big part of my life.
...My religion and that I am free to believe as I choose.
...Jesus Christ, my Savior.
I am grateful for holidays where we celebrate being thankful and I hope that you all take a chance to reflect on what you are thankful for.

Grapes of Wrath

2009-11-16T19:21:00.000-08:00

I have decided to start reading books that I have a heard are "must-reads". A friend of mine let me borrow Grapes of Wrath. Without any knowledge of what the book was really about or what to expect, I dove right in. I truly believe that if one wants to learn how it felt to be in the Great Depression one should read this book. It is long, sad, with only a few glimpses of hope throughout. I sincerely felt as if the dust and dryness and pain and hunger jumped off those pages and penetrated my understanding. I still can't decide if it is the kind of book that one should recommend, but I am very proud to say that after 600 some pages, I have a better understanding of a hardship that is so far beyond anything I can comprehend. We are in "hard times", people say, but we say it as we sit at our computers with out iPhones ringing and our heat blaring and our stomachs full. This book really helped open my eyes to how hard it really was and how truly blessed I am. Wow.

Confession

2009-11-13T19:45:00.000-08:00

I feel like this is the appropriate place to confess that the song by Leona Lewis, Bleeding Love, came on my radio and I actually took a detour because I felt like singing along. I did sing along and I sang loud! Sometimes we need that.

2009-11-13T09:05:00.000-08:00

37 days until Paradise!!

Making it all apply

2009-11-10T13:33:00.000-08:00

It's funny that people keep writing songs about things that happen in their lives and I keep on singing along as if my singing is some kind of "amen" to the words that they found to explain the same problem(s) in my life. The kind of songs that explain specifically those heart breaking or happy or complicated situations in our lives are fine, but I have found a new love for those songs that find a way to apply to your life in a way that makes no sense at all. They speak in gibberish, in rhymes that are more abstract than even Matisse's most profound paintings. It is in this gibberish that I have found understanding. When Regina talks about plastic pop bottle lids going on voyages in a sink filled with bubbles of water or when Spoon talks about lines in a fitted suit, one can find a universal understanding. The songs mean nothing and everything all at the same time. So blah to those that use real life and names and words that apply directly to my life. I already know how my life is realistically. It is time for more songs of nonsense, where we can all lose ourselves and find ourselves in words that find a unique and rather mind-blowing meaning to us.

2009-11-06T22:46:00.000-08:00

Here is a new song that I recently was able to see live sung by Regina Spektor herself. I am still figuring out what it all means, but I love this song. This girl is the kind of girl that makes you realize that you need to be happier and love more and be more creative and laugh more and love again some more. She is real and beautiful and the world deserves to know that she is one artist that I feel deserves my love.

Laughing With God

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’re starving or freezing or so very poor

No one laughs at God when the doctor calls
After some routine tests
No one’s laughing at God
when it’s gotten real late
And their kid’s not back from that party yet

No one laughs at God when their airplane
Starts to uncontrollably shake
No one’s laughing at God
When they see the one they love hand in hand
with someone else and they hope that they’re mistaken
No one laughs at God when the cops knock on their door
And they say “We’ve got some bad new, sir,”
No one’s laughing at God
When there’s a famine, fire or flood

But God can be funny
At a cocktail party while listening to a good God-themed joke or
When the crazies say he hates us
and they get so red in the head
You think that they’re about to choke
God can be funny
When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie
Who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus

God can be so hilarious
Ha ha, ha ha

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
when they’ve lost all they got
And they don’t know what for

No one laughs at God on the day they realize
that the last sight they’ll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes
No one’s laughing at God
When they’re saying their goodbyes

But God can be funny
At a cocktail party while listening to a good God-themed joke or
When the crazies say he hates us and they get so red in the head
you think that they’re about to choke
God can be funny
When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie
Who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
(repeat)
No one’s laughing at God in a hospital
No one’s laughing at God in a war

No one’s laughing at God
When they’re starving or freezing or so very poor

No one’s laughing at God
(repeat)
We’re all “laughing with God”

2009-11-06T14:57:00.000-08:00

You know those celebrity crushes that you almost forget you have until you see a movie of said celebrity again. Welcome back Jim Sturgess. You made mullets attractive.

My title

2009-10-28T15:47:00.000-07:00

The title of my blog is sentience. I don't know if I ever really explained it. If I have, bare with me. The dictionary explains it as the ability to perceive or feel things. It's interesting that this is what connects us with the whole world. Plants perceive the days getting shorter and stop producing chlorophyll to produce their green leaves. They turn yellow, red, orange and fall to the ground, waiting for next year and a whole new perception of life. Animals perceive danger, love, affection, hunger. So do we. What sets us apart is our ability to interpret those feelings much more profoundly than a Venus fly trap or a dog. Descartes said, "I think, therefore I am." Well I would like to change that....I feel, therefore I am. I think, therefore I am human. Our interpretation then leads us to be separated from the rest of those interpreters that are wandering the streets. Whether we want to rise above or be merely one step higher than plants and other animals, is our choice. I choose to be captured by the mysterious and find a way to change the world in the process. Albert Einstein was quoted saying, " The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed." Well my eyes are open now!
I went to a forum at BYU from the author of Three Cups of Tea, Greg Mortenson. If you haven't read his book, read it! It is so amazing that one man's dream could really alter the world the way it has. He is now helping military teams learn a new perspective on what they are really fighting for. He has helped children learn the importance of reaching out and helping those other children that are less fortunate than they. It is my dream and hope that one day I can find a way to make a difference, even in just a few lives. More importantly, I pray for the courage to step out of my comfortable life and do it, not for myself, but because it is everyone's responsiblity to see the world as it is and find a way to make it more beautiful, happier, and a more culturally comfortable place to be. I do not look to change the way people are living and thinking; I search for an understanding and with that we can all learn from each other. That is what real education is. I want to teach the world, and I can't wait for them to teach me back!

Feel Good Movies

2009-10-22T13:42:00.000-07:00

I have frequently become a write twice a day type of person. When this happens, you can understand that I am completely stressed about homework assignments and papers and have found a very pleasant way to avoid it all.

Speaking of distracting myself, I went to a movie last night. Thanks to Mel we were able to go for free with some gift certificates. We went to All About Steve. I would probably not recommend spending much money on seeing this movie. It is no Oscar Winning Classic. It will win no awards. It may even annoy you at times. However, there is a kind of "feel good" essence to it that I happened to LOVE! I won't give details, just in case you do make an attempt on it, but I do have to say that there are just some movies, that even though they are dumb and pretty silly, can make you feel like loving the world just a little bit more and loving yourself because of it. I loved it. I will probably never see it again, at least not for money, and I will probably never actually recommend it to anyone. But there is something beautiful in the fact that you can be so unaffected by something and at the same time its essence gets in your head and you are changed by it. Moral: Don't work on being normal, just understand that everyone around you is different too. Normalcy is something that people seem to be working so hard at, when truth be told, I think we would all be a little happier if we just accepted the fact that we are dorks, or nerds, or not actually that funny.

Thank you strangers...

2009-10-22T13:38:00.001-07:00

I frequent the Learning Resource Center at BYU. It is a gigantic lab of TVs and computers where can go and study pretty much any time of day. It is quiet, except for the constant, almost unapparent tapping of computer keys. Today a guy three rows behind me decided to switch things up. He was laughing harder than I have heard anyone laugh in a long time, in his own little world, headphones on, completely oblivious to the fact that every pair of eyes in the LRC was just glancing his way. I love this guy. I wish I was watching what he was watching instead of writing a paper in French of something that I still don't understand. So thank you...random happy stranger, for laughing through the silence. You made these next two hours worth it for me.

Something Fun To Do

2009-10-21T17:48:00.000-07:00

I decided to live a blog worthy life. The other day as I was on a midnight bike ride-one of the best things you can do-it started to rain...LIKE CRAZY! The puddles formed faster than you can say cream cheese and there I was left to two options. 1. Cry. 2. Puddle "jump" on my bike! I chose two. Crying would just blend in anyways. All that I have to say about this is that I love puddle jumping, but I am in love with puddle biking. My chain is rusty. My entire backside got soaked. And I have never been so happy!

Walking

2009-10-21T16:51:00.000-07:00

If for no other reason than the following, walking to school is highly recommended. The other day, on my way home from a long day of school, my iPod died. Broken Heart. Fortunately, I was able to be inspired! Listening to other people's passing conversations is equally as entertaining as listening to my favorite tunes. Here is what I learned:
Humans get cataracts and have to have surgery to remedy this malfunction of the human body. Nothing new there. The conversation--remember I was not actually invited to this conversation so some of the details might be fuzzy--continued in a direction I was not expecting. Eagles, with the same structure of the eye as humans, ALSO get cataracts. For humans, it is an inconvenience that makes us get surgery or glasses or contacts (Contacts are still a mystery to me). For Eagles, their eyes are their main resource for life. Without clear vision, they can't see the prey they are chasing. Bushes and squirrels start looking the same and that only leads to damaged bushes, starving eagles, and an overpopulation of squirrels. In comes technology! We are now, in an effort to save our eagle population, giving eagles the same surgery that humans have been getting for years on their cataracts. Survival of the fittest my eye! (eye...get it?) Darwin did not see this one coming!!

French Poetry

2009-10-19T09:39:00.001-07:00

I have arrived. I can now read French poetry and enjoy it! It used to be some kind of mad dictionary chase to try and get through one poem. I read it for fun now. Granted, there are still words that I don't understand, but that happens in English just as often. Here is a goal that you can hold me to...write a French poem in my life. Here is a little glimpse....A HAIKU!

Les sources

Le puit, plein de l'eau

Les larmes, plein du sel se tombent

Les flaques, nous dansons

Time for a change....

2009-10-18T19:48:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make: I haven't actually cared about the fact that I have a blog. For some reason I just saw it as a way for me to write down my feelings and such. I barely even let people know that it exists. Good news....I have decided it was time for a change. I have an amazing life and I am sure that there are tons of things that need to be shared. Get excited! I am going to add pics. I am going to tell stories. I am going tell secrets. It's going to be fun. Finally I have realized what a blog should be about.
First secret: I follow blogs anonymously of some of my friends that I am not besties with. They are friends, and I am sure that they would love that I read their blog. For some reason I have made it into some kind of guilty pleasure. I have even started picking my favorites and check at least once a week to see if they posted something. Thanks to those that write well and don't mind that we anonymous readers stay concealed. Maybe one day I will come out in the open and admit to the blogs that I follow.
I still have no idea how to post pictures or add any sort of colour to my blog, but for now, know that I am getting excited to learn!

2009-09-27T21:39:00.001-07:00

Congrats are in order...

2009-09-24T16:18:00.001-07:00

I almost forgot!
There is a ginormous need for congrats to be given to my biggest brother. Him and his wife are now expecting their third child! It better start training now because Lawson and Wyatt, the sons they have now, are definitely not going to let him settle in gently! What a beautiful family!

All those words...

2009-09-24T16:09:00.000-07:00

So, now that I have started blogging (one post a month on average), I have decided to try and think of cool things to write about. Nothing has come to mind. I find it ironic that I felt the incline to write now...seeing as how I have been writing a French paper about my internship for what feels like the last 3 months. I have learned two things. I enjoyed my internship. I still hate writing 7 page papers.
You know that feeling when you have checked facebook 19 times in 10 minutes, thinking that somehow that will help you think of how to express your feelings on this paper that never seems to end? I hate that feeling. Still no notifications. Still an empty inbox. Still only 3 pages of a 7 page paper of death.
I thought about writing a book. Now I am thinking of writing a compilation of short stories, spread out over a very long period of time. Maybe it will be one of those books that nobody finds until I am dead. Fame is fame. No need to worry about time lines!

Life is good though. Despite the homework, I love school. I complain. A lot. But I really do love it. I love the French language and I am officially a major with a second major in Exercise Science, which I think that I love even more. Funny that I picked two majors that you can do nothing with unless you have a graduate degree. I guess I know my life plans at least that far!

To Be Continued...

2009-09-06T10:46:00.000-07:00

So. Here I am in Provo. It's not Paris. It's not Canada. It's Provo. No matter how uneventful that fact seems to be, I am here and I am still writing. Who said that you can only blog when there is something big and life changing going on in your life? Nobody. Blogging is for those people that find things to say when there is nothing of consequence going on. Take this as a warning, if you must, that I am going to continue blogging. I hope that you (if anyone reads this) can be entertained.
I am officially at the beginning of my second week of university. This semester is going to take a lot out of me, but once it is over there will be nothing but rejoicing. There is always a light at the end of the dark tunnels. Speaking of dark tunnels, he dumped me--he dumped me in a way that made me confused and hopeful and isolated and frustrated all at the same time. It has been a week and my heart has finally decided to stop making me cry. Light!
That's my life for now.
To be continued...

Marker Stamps and Future Plans

2009-08-24T16:09:00.000-07:00

I'm home. In Canada. I waited almost two months in anticipation to be back and now I am here. Time flew faster than I can even begin to explain. During my 8 weeks or so in Paris I felt that each moment was taking it's time like my Grandpa Leo on his way to down our long, tree-lined driveway. However, now that it is all over it feels as if I blinked quickly and during that blink had a daydream of a trip that changed my life forever.

My last weekend in Paris was spent with a friend that I met through my internship. Thanks again Matthias for the good times in Munich! It was the first time that I touched Deutschland and I am sure that it will not be the last. I ate bretzel (It is where we got our warm, large pretzels from, only they have mastered it and refuse to dip it in artificial cheese sauce.) I meandered through beer gardens (they even had one in the airport!) I visited a castle on a beautiful island that you can only get to by boat. I ate some amazing fish with Matthias' wonderful family. I rode bikes to a lake, went swimming, saw many a european rocking the beach experience in their european way (enough said), and even got a little sunburn. It was definitely one of my favorite weekends in Europe, maybe the best. Matthias' family was so kind and of course they all spoke English and the parents spoke French as well as German. How is it that we North Americans have not caught on that learning languages is awesome. In Alberta I feel so accomplished for being able to speak French. In Europe I am just the git that speak French poorly but at least I was lucky enough to have English (the so-called universal language) to be able to communicate easily. So thanks again Matthias and thanks Germany. Consider my socks officially rocked.

The last days are a blur or pastry parties, toasts where I drank orange juice with a couple of collegues while the rest used real champagne, picnics on the seine with some new-found friends that I hope to keep in touch with forever, and a lot of shopping. I saw my friend Stephanie, who is recently married.

It is a weird feeling to see people my age getting married, graduating, and working on growing up. I forget sometimes that I am the same age and that those things are in my near future. I have been trying to avoid growing up for so long, but somehow it caught up with me. I am now beginning my fourth year of college. I am one year (plus a little more time ;o ) from having degrees in French Studies and Exercise Science. I wish I knew where that was leading me. I do love surprises, but this is one of those things that I wish I had some more hints about. It is like at Christmas, when you are allowed to shake your presents, you never know until you open it, but at least you can shake it and squeeze it and see how big it is. My mom was always good about adding things that make funny noises and putting the gifts in boxes that are two times bigger than the actual gift.

One year I asked about 70 million times for a Furby (spelling). Why I insisted I will never know. If anyone has played with those things they understand why after a few months the popularity plummeted. Who would want something that looks that scary, talks that much, and actually isn't cuddly like all those other wonderful stuffed animals that we can buy. Well there was one present under the tree that was the perfect size, felt like a Furby box and even sounded like it when I shook it. I was positive. Christmas morning arrived and big surprise--no Furby. My parents have never been the type to buy the gift that is "the gift of the season". Thanks Mom and Dad. The Furby box turned out to be a box of marker stamps. I used those stamps for years.

Well here I am, heading into my fourth year of university. I think that I am working way to hard trying to find a way to get my Furby. I stress daily about what I should do for my master's. What classes I should take. Whether I should go on a mission. What should I be when I finally let myself grow up. The ideal at the moment seems to be like that Furby that I always wanted--that future that everyone else is looking for. Truth be told, I want the marker stamps. So for now I will be patient, keep shaking and squeezing all my options, and in the end-surprise! Happiness.

Chez moi...

2009-08-05T05:08:00.000-07:00

Here is a quick update without photos or anything interesting to look at. Maybe this blogging thing isn't quite for me.
I work with old people.
I love working with old people.
I still am terrible at French, but I ordered a pizza yesterday and the waiter complimented me. I still wasn't that happy because that means that he noticed I don't speak French normally.
I went to Marseille last weekend and it rocked my socks off.
I got a suntan!
I eat pastries every day.
I eat cheese every day.
I eat the best baguettes in the world...every day!
I am going to visit Kyle this weekend. Thanks Kyle!
I am going to Germany the weekend after, hopefully. Thanks Matthias!
I will be home the weekend after that. Thanks Parentals!

There are just some random tidbits. There are a million things to do here in Paris and I am hoping to get to do at least half of them while I am here. I have 15 days left and I still have no idea where the time went. I went snail-pace for about 2 weeks and then suddenly I have two weeks left.
This might sound weird, but I love that Paris doesn't seem as amazing to me anymore. Of course, the second I see the Eiffel Tower I still melt at the knees. However, I find it pretty amazing that I am just at home here in Paris. Life is just life. I go to work every morning. I eat at my place in the evenings. In between I get to work for a great organization and make friends with some really great people. Sometimes they are crazy, sometimes a bit too flirtatious, sometimes a bit too awkward, but I love them and I hope that I am making a difference in their lives.
Pictures might be to follow, but maybe not. I would hate to get your hopes up for nothing... But I have some great photos!

Dealing with it...

2009-07-16T06:08:00.000-07:00

The last time I saw MR he was angry because his cable wasn't working and the cable man that he phoned wasn't kind to him on the phone. We bought groceries with him, stuffed all his food from Picard in his tiny freezer, and met his cat. His cat is named Pom Pom, which matches his size exactly. That was a week ago. Today Michel tried to commit suicide.
Hope is something that a lot of people that I work with do not have in their lives. I do not know how M. went from stresses like cable and cats to something as painful and heavy as suicide. His addiction to alcohol coupled with some medication that was not prescribed caused him to lose complete control of the sensible side of himself and he attempted to jump out of his window.
I realized for the first time that I have been here the pain that the people that I work with live with every single day of their lives. We don't talk about what happened. We don't bring up issues from our past. I work with the people collectively and there is just not a time or place that is appopriate to start a discussion on who's life is harder. They are given time for that and now I finally understand why it is so cherished. These beautiful people came to Petits Frères searching for someone to listen to their problems, to give them a little light to help them find their way back to a happier life.
For now I am glad that I do not spend most of my time on an individual level. I get to see them at their best. I get to see Ed, my favorite accueilli, running from person to person trying to help them with whatever they need. I get to see Imré, an adorable hungarian man, speak to me in the most simple of English about how beautiful Hungary is. I get to spend time with Francisco, who for some reason cannot understand that I don't speak Spanish and insists on speaking to me in Spanish on a regular basis, and then has to switch back to French. He is the first man who has proposed to me and minus the fact that he only has one tooth, I am flattered. I love the people I work with. I love feeling tired at the end of the day knowing that I made at least one person smile today.
This is why I came here and now I am only going to work harder to help people like my friend M. realize that there is always room for hope, there is always room for happiness, and I am here until they find it.

To The Fullest

2009-07-06T07:49:00.000-07:00

When someone first said, "Live life to the fullest," did they give a clear distinction as to what the fullest even means. I am living life, here in Paris and I am full constantly, mostly with pastries and falafel.
I am still looking for something to say that is worthwhile. I hate to admit it, but I have now read every single blog by nearly all of my friends. My work is exciting and very interesting, but there is a lot of down time and I now find myself searching for things to capture my interest. Blogging. I have decided that I am a fan of it as an idea but not as a practice for myself personally. To those people that have things to say, and that say them well, I thank you. You have given me something to do these past hours. For those that feel like they have nothing to say, join the club, and perhaps start writing about the fact that you find yourself without the want to write.
Back to living life to the fullest... I am convinced that there is no definition of fullest that could come even close to reaching the potential that the word fullest can obtain. The fullest could then be described as infinite completion, which of course makes no sense at all. I have decided to begin living my life to the fullest by no longer trying to decide what the fullest is. I have interests that come and go. I am either compelled to let those interests take me somewhere, or not. If that interest hits with enough force, I am going to act, and with that I will be one step closer to "the fullest" and still an infinite amount of steps from reaching it. Life is such, there is more to do than one can even dare to imagine, but enough to do that one, if they so choose, can never be bored. I am at work, reading blogs that have reached into the hearts of people that I would never dare to reach into in any other means, and I am no longer bored. I am living. The day I die, I will have lived life to my fullest. For some reason, it gives me comfort to know that I don't have a goal to reach anymore, only happiness to find. So cheers, to never being full...

Old Folks

2009-07-01T05:33:00.000-07:00

I have found a new interest in life...the elderly. I went to a little soirée with a group of people that I work with and I honestly have never felt so happy in my life. Not that I am excited to be old, but it seems like it is going to have some fun times. A Peruvian women with dark eyes and long black hair with a sultry voice sang to us and gave people little instruments to play. One man even got up and danced near the end.Some were drinking a little too much wine, much to the dismay of many of the other ladies sitting around them. Some were singing every word that they could get in fast enough, which ended up being about every four words.
At the end I got bisous from each one of them and I am pretty sure my cheeks were raw from their kisses. They were all so tender and so happy. I can't imagine living alone at that age; they have nothing to occupy their time. I love being able to visit them and see the smiles on their faces. There are a few that already feel like they are my grandparents or at least a really old aunt or uncle. Who knew a week with old people would make you this happy?

MJ

2009-06-26T14:20:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I am a big enough fan of Michael Jackson to give my blog's title his name, but I was part of a Parisian mourning protest (I guess you could call it) today in front of Notre Dame de Paris. There were swarms of people on the gathering area in front of the cathedral, which was no surprise for a weekend in the tourist season in Paris. The difference? Thriller was playing in the background on one side and Billy Jean on the other. There were MJ impersonators, dancing of all sorts, signs and banners, faces painted with "Michael" on one cheek "Jackson" on the other and "RIP" on their forehead. Maybe someday I will be able to load pictures, but for now, I hope the visual is there. It was quites the scene.

French Music is American?

2009-06-22T01:04:00.000-07:00

There is something about being in a foreign city doing what non-foreign people do. Yesterday was the Fete de la musique. Around 8 or so last night, the city exploded with bands of all types and sizes in every corner of the city. You couldn't walk down a street without hearing music, mostly american, being played. It was incredible! The word needs to spread to different cities that this is the best thing to happen to the world. I heard music ranging from Ben Harper, to Gnarls Barkley, to Sweet Home Alabama. All were sung with an awkwardly French accent. Who knew that Gnarls was actually singing . The city was filled with people of all different ages and characters. We had the goth boyfriend and girlfriend that were somehow attached by a chain through the nose, and the old couple sitting at a cafe listening to jazz. I felt like such a tourist walking through the city, and suddenly realized that I was doing what the Parisians were doing. By far the best day in Paris thus far.
Speaking of American music... I live in a convent, yes of nuns. They take care of me, feed me breakfast, let me run a choir just like Whoopie. The other night, I entered my very small, but adorable, room to the sound of very loud music playing. I opened my windows to find a large party in the party just beside mine. If I had wanted, I am pretty sure someone could have passed me large amounts of whatever they were smoking with ease. I decided against it, the sisters would not approve, I am sure. I watched the party for a moment, realized that I was being watched as well by them, shut the window, and fell asleep to possibly the most random American music compilation I have ever heard. The last song I remember is Poker Face. I was so excited to get away from that song, which was on the radio everyday at work, but somehow it found me, even in Paris, France. Small world we live in, who knew?

2009-06-18T11:36:00.001-07:00

I am officially in Paris and loving it. I will admit, the first few days were more overwhelming than I had anticipated. Today was my first day of work and I was able to visit I man named Rasy in the hospital. He used to be in a very rich family and was a champion wrestler. He fell on hard times and is now finding himself more and more in the hospital with liver problems and such because of drinking. It was so rewarding so see his face light up when we walked in the room. I am excited to really know the people I get to work with and find ways to make their lives just a little more worth while.
Changing subjects:
Last night my body was so confused as to why I was trying to sleep at 5 in the evening. I could not sleep for the life of me from about 1-2. I am not positive, but I think that I was sleepwalking. All I can remember is me standing in a dark hallway, completely confused, and accidently walking into the person's room that I am sharing the aparment with. It's an old house and there is no way that they didn't hear me open that door and then awkwardly shut it as quickly as possible. What a great way to start...
Well that's my life for now. I have found my favorite baguette shop and favorite park in the neighbourhood, so life is good.

2009-05-30T14:08:00.000-07:00

Bonjour!
For those of you who haven't been updated in a while, I am leaving 16 June for an internship in Paris, France. I am going to be helping with a program called Les Petits Frères des Pauvres. It's kind of like a "Big Brother" program, but we are "little brothers" looking after elderly people. I am more than excited and just thought that I should start a blog to help people that want to keep in touch and hear about some of the things I am doing with my life. I probably won't be writing much until I am actually in Paris. Until then...